remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
