I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
