Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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