on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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