go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I want to make a zoo with you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
