Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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