I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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