happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
