My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
