I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
