On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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