you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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