He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
