just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
