I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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