im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
