every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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