I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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