I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
