i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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