some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
