Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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