your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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