but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
