I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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