worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My vagina is very pro this idea
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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