matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you would pick up someone in the library
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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