I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
