walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
