first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
