the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
