i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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