I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
