Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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