I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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