I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize