I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
