Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
