soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
