do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
