the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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