if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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