and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
