He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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