There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
