in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There's even glitter on my cock...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
