If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
