I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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