Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
