I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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