Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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