the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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