my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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