Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
