umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
