Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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