its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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