It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
