running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
