Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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