Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
