Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
40s are totally the cure
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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