How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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