apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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