My liver just broke up with me...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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