so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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