Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
