legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
