If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
