i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
