The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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