Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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