It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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