If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
