K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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